Monday, March 27, 2006

I should clarify. Last Wednesday I was invited by my co-worker Jeri to Seidl's Bar, where I was to meet her 21-year-old hot-blooded granddaughter (a barrel-racer, too). Well, not only was the granddaughter amazing, her 40-something mother (Jeri's daughter) was fine, also. So my eyes were feeling relaxed and happy, in spite of the cigarette smoke. But one of the beauties was married, and the other too young. So I drank too much. And later puked into a bowl.

On Friday I partied at the Buckskin with four of the hottest babes in Dunn County: Margi, Laci, Kelli, and Jolene. More eye-candy. More drunken revelry. I even witnessed some "Girls Gone Wild" action. Fun! But . . . at the end of the night, 'twas just me.

So what I'm trying to say is: this region has the goods, but the goods I've met aren't quite available enough to break my heart. 'Cause heartbreak is what a poet needs to break out. And as Kurtis Blow would say, "that's the breaks."

Sunday, March 26, 2006

I'm not inspired to write songs without being surrounded by beautiful, sexy, gorgeous women.

Instead I live like a hermit monk. Something has got to change.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Ever since doing "Rapper's Delight" at the Buckskin karaoke contest last weekend, high school kids have been friendly to me.

They call me the Rapper.

Out here in ranch country I can't fool anyone for being the Rappin' Cowboy. I'm just:

. . . the Rapper.

I like it. It's simpler.

Monday, March 20, 2006

A little Madness in the Spring
Is wholesome even for the King.

-Emily Dickinson (1830–1886)

In Dunn County the calving and lambing seasons have begun, in spite of the wind and snow.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

In 1993 my friend Jed--from my University of Montana days--and I made a bet that whoever got married first owed the surviving bachelor $100.

It looks like Jed's day of financial reckoning has come.

In the big picture, though, Jed wins, 'cause Letty's rad.
My Grandma Vi is 100% Irish. She's looking very beautiful these days.

Today at the museum we celebrated St. Paddy's Day in style. I started the Hootenanny off w/ "Dear Grandma." We had Irish step-dancing, traditional Gaelic songs, and penny whistle. Then Dunn Center had it's yearly St. Patrick's Day parade, which is hilariously small. It finished in about two minutes, but that made it AWESOME! I need to buy a camcorder so I can document the bizarre hipness of Dunn County. I spent the day teamed up w/ my friend, Margi Coyle. Everybody thinks we're sweethearts, which we are. But we like being platonic friends better than romantic boyfriend/girlfriend. Odds are we'd ruin our friendship if we tried to date. We drank green beer at the Ilo Bar and then drove to Killdeer for a karaoke contest. Margi won 3rd-place w/ Bonnie Raitt's "Something to Talk About." I did "Rapper's Delight" which delighted many, but failed to place.

It was a bonny day full of memorable shenanigans.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


Sometimes things don't go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years muscadel
faces down frost, green thrives; the crops don't fail,
sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.

A people will step back from war,
elect an honest man, decide they care
enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.

Sometimes, our best efforts do not go
amiss, sometimes we do as we were meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen: make it happen for you.

Sheenagh Pugh
Welsh poet

Sunday, March 12, 2006

I sit and wait for it . . .
but inspiration is gone.
Too much lasagna.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

(return to) . . . the blackhole (of outerspace):

Click to enlarge. ($12 postage-paid).

Or . . .

Good to be Awake:
A cycle of love ballads pointing to a blaze of sunshine warming the eastern shoreline. This sweet, poignant, and musically compelling CD of folk/pop songs features Jen Grady's harmonies on ten of the thirteen songs--and it gets better with each listen. If you are looking for a reprieve from nighttime's lonely death slide, Good to Be Awake will be waiting patiently with a cup of cinnamint tea and a lover's kiss. $12 postage-paid.

The first collection explores night. The second day. Yin and Yang. Rap and Country. They belong together, no?

If you'd like both, send $22 postage-paid for the set. Make checks out to Chris Sand, and send to C. Sand / PO Box 7 / Dunn Center, ND 58626.
Burt Reynolds in:

My inspiration continues to discontinue.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

"Good judgment comes from experience, and experience - well, that comes from poor judgment." - A.A. Milne

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

"Silence is one of the great arts of conversation." - Cicero

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Grandma beat
Grandpa and me
at three-handed
Pinochle™ tonight.
What's new?

The above pictures were Googled™.

I just discovered the ™ icon.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Please, dear God, open shop early this year, and give me a touch of spring. Cabin fever is good for the soul, but now, please . . . please. Give me an early spring.

I'm begging of you.


(Dear Lord Jesus . . . )


Wednesday, March 01, 2006

It occurred to me today that I'm one step away from becoming a Norwegian bachelor farmer, the kind that Garrison Keillor talks about on Prairie Home Companion. The only thing missing is the farm. I came across some Norwegian jokes to share. Don't feel bad for us--Norwegians like being the butt of unfair jokes.

1. Two Norwegians at the funeral of their friend Nels. “He sure looks good,” said one. “He should,” remarked the other, “he just got out of the hospital.”

2. Q: Why do Norwegians have such pretty noses?
A: Because they’re hand picked.

3. Two Norwegians were trying to get a mule into the barn but its ears were too long. One Norwegian suggested raising the barn. The other one thought they should dig a trench. “No, you dummy,” exploded the first, “it’s the ears that are too long, not the legs.”

4. 1st Norsky: What’s in the sack?
2nd Norsky: Chickens.
1st Norsky: How Many?
2nd Norsky: If you can guess, I’ll give you both of dem.

5. Q: How can you identify a level-headed Norwegian?
A: When the snoose runs out of both corners of his mouth.

6. Who was the most famous Norwegian inventor?
Henry Fjord.

7. Marriage license clerk: Names, please.
Ole: Ole Johnson
Lena: Lena Johnson
Clerk: Any relations?
Lena (blushing): “Yah, vunce or tvice, Ole couldn’t vait.”

8. Q: What did the Norwegian say when he saw his first pizza?
A: “Who trew up on da lefse?”

9. 1st Norwegian: My brother’s got a case of hemorrhoids.
2nd Norwegian: Swell. Let’s go over and help him drink it!

10. Two Norwegian brothers kept their two horses in a pasture. To tell them apart, they notched the ears on one horse. Later they discovered the black horse was about 8 inches shorter than the white one.