Sunday, May 01, 2005

Last night I went to the Buckskin Bar & Grill to watch a local country band. Lots of little country buggers hugger-muggered the dance floor. For the first hour adults hung around the bar, and teenagers clustered near the back. Eventually, though, high schoolers and older folks danced, too. I didn't. A deep embarrassment took over my heart and I had to slip away into the safety of snow.

Reinserting myself here will be incremental. I need a year to thaw out. Otherwise I'll crack apart and people will see my grief-stricken core. I should take dance lessons.

Hard core, rural, White cowboy culture has many similarities to hard core, urban, African American culture. There is religion, poverty, and sports. There are differences, too--like dancing.

One little, blonde boy attempted to break dance. He liked the ground (the earth). Again and again he spiraled towards the floor. He sported a Spider Man t-shirt like one I used to wear. I didn't see him smile all evening. Break dancing can be lonely business in cowboy country.

Margi was there. She's a beautiful woman, same age as me, who looks good in her cowgirl boots and Levi's. Ironically, she has to scrounge to get guys to dance with her. Almost every guy is shy out here. Beer plays an important role. As the evening wore on, Margi found more men willing to take a chance.

Beni Paulson is the lead guitar player in the band. He's a 29-year-old professional bull rider who just broke his leg in a competition in New Mexico. His right leg is in a full cast. He's also a rancher and single dad. His dad, Dennis, plays harmonica for the band.

Dennis fought in Vietnam. He adopted a Vietnamese daughter, named Sady. Sady doesn't have a lot of muscle control, so she uses a wheel chair. She looks to be around 18. Her friend pushed her out on the floor so she could dance. Sady is also the name of the Japanese bartender in Dunn Center.

Alejandro, or Al, is a Chilean horse trainer. He's a genuine "horse whisperer"--can tame anything with hooves and a hide. He looked epic, clad in his black cowboy hat, black leather jacket, black jeans, and black cowboy boots. Black's also the color of his Hoxton Handle moustache. Black is not the color of his true love's hair, though. She's a blonde. I bought him a Coors Lite. We stood together listening to the band, but it was too loud to talk, so I sat back down and nursed my Miller.

Then I went home and slept, sad though I was.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

transition time and getting back in touch with the essential you can be a really tough, heart-wrenching time. i know because i feel like i am in that place where deep joy and great sadness alternately wrap themselves around your heart, sometimes at the same time. here is a poem by mary oliver that has been helping me. it reminds me to think of myself as a whole plant, not a cutting in someone else's jar. to remember and be grateful for all the little parts of myself: roots, leaves, stem, the glossy goodness so easy to take for granted. i hope it strikes a chord in you, too, cowboy. it's been a long time.

even now
i remember something

the way a flower
in a jar of water

remembers it's life
in the perfect garden

the way a flower
in a jar of water

remembers it's life
as a closed seed

the way a flower
in a jar of water

steadies itself,
remembering itself

long ago
the plunging roots

the gravel the rain
the glossy stem

teh wings of the leaves
the swords of the leaves

rising and clashing
for the rose of the sun

the salt of the stars
the crown of the wind

the beds of the clouds
the blue dream

the unbreakable circle.

Chris Sand said...

yep. she gets me every time.

Anonymous said...

JUST WONDERING IF YOU KNOW HOW BENI'S LEG IS. SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THERE NEW BAND? AND YES SADY IS A VERY SPECIAL LITTLE GIRL. IF YOU CAN BELIEVE IT SHE IS GONNA GRADUATE IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

Chris Sand said...

Beni's leg is still in a cast last I heard. He branded last week, so hopefully he didn't get kicked in the other one.

Wow! Sady (is that how you spell it?) is graduating. That's great. From high school, and not college, right?