It's been raining non-stop for 24 hours. Farmers and ranchers are happy.

Grandma beat Grandpa and me at three-handed pinochle (again) tonight. Venison for supper. I sure love those two lovable people.

Today at work, I put the finishing touches on our new Museum website. We own a program that allows us to easily create/update each page anytime we feel like it. I'll post the link shortly.

Lindsay flew back to Seattle today to tie up loose ends and pick up her cat and dog--but not her car which got repossessed. Long story there. She'll fly back to NoDak in a week.

This is blog post #1,111.

Lindsay Danger with her Grandpa Bill.

Today I was supposed to play at the 21st Annual Dakota Cowboy Poetry Gathering in Medora, ND, but I had my times wrong and missed my slot. It would've been my third year in a row playing there.

Last night I drove 30 miles north to Lindsay's folks' ranch and ate enchiladas and played a few songs around a fire. Lindsay's younger sister, Alex, just graduated from Watford City High School, so there were lots of relatives hangin' out.

My date with Lindsay Danger on Wednesday was enjoyable. We've got another date tomorrow. She's a ballerina/photographer/digital artist/wine connoisseur who likes to wear dresses and high-heeled shoes. We had supper at the Buckskin.

My Fantasy Baseball team did awesome today. John Smoltz and Braden Looper both pitched masterfully, and Magglio Ordóñez went four-for-four with three runs and three RBIs. Yesterday he hit two homers. He is my best player this year. Ken Griffey Jr. is having a great season, too. Jimmy Rollins started out hot, but now he's slumping. My other top players are Carlos Lee, B.J. Upton, Al Reyes, Brian Roberts, and Oliver Pérez--all ranked in the top 50 in the league. Albert Pujols was ranked #1 when I chose him, but now he's ranked #159. And Carlos Zambrano dropped from #40 to #862. He's been my biggest disappointment so far. Overall, though, I've got some top-notch talent. Hopefully my good luck will endure.

Metaphor of the Day:

"My body is the devil's credit card."
-David S.

A friend of mine describing his current ragged physical state of health.

There's a thunderstorm goin' on. Not only in my head, but outside in the sky.

Sometimes frustrations trip me up. That's when I write ranting, wrathful raps.

My recurrent, tired gripe has been this: Where is our leader? I mean, who's our President? The slot's been vacant for so long. Decades maybe.

Franklin D. Roosevelt had something. Lincoln comes to mind as the last awesome Prez. Some say Clinton, Reagan, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Truman, and/or Teddy Roosevelt were great. I dislike them all, more or less. I like Washington. Jefferson. Yolanda King. Sam Cooke.

After listening to "A Change is Gonna Come," which Cooke wrote partly in response to Dylan's "Blowin' in the Wind," I see the storm's blown over, and there's the rainbow. Not only in my head, but in the sky above Halliday.

The moral: Music makes me happy. Politics, not so much.

And by the way, Cooke does a good cover of "Blowin' in the Wind" in this video. Dylan repaid the compliment forty years later, though some won't see it as a compliment. I like it, though.

"Weird Al" Yankovic strikes again.

Mother's Day Proclamation - 1870

by *Julia Ward Howe

Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
"We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the voice of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says: "Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe our dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil
At the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace...
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God -
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality,
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.
-------------------------------------------------
*Julia Ward Howe is most famous for writing "Battle Hymn of the Republic" which was published in 1862.

It used to be North Dakota didn't have many trees, so when the homesteaders came along about 100 years ago they tried to plant as many as they could. During the dust bowl era trees were about the only thing holding the soil in place. Currently many countries in Africa are dealing with a similar crisis and desperately need trees.

If you're looking for an interesting last-minute Mother's Day gift, look here. A $30 donation will pay for the costs of planting a tree in South Africa. That's what I just did in honor of my mom and my two grandmas. (But don't mention it to them until Sunday.)

Two of a kind.

What's new? Well . . .

1. I'm now going to a physical therapist in Dickinson, to get help with strengthening my back.
2. I'm getting a business plan together so that I can acquire the Dunn Center Auditorium.
3. A Dunn Center acquaintance of mine committed suicide over the weekend.
4. Grandma Sand turned 87 yesterday.
5. I've got a date with a woman named Lindsay Danger. I have to wait two weeks, though.
6. Blossoms are blooming. Honey bees are buzzing. Spring has officially arrived in Dunn County.
7. My Fantasy Baseball team is almost in last place.
8. Tomorrow I'll shave my winter beard.
9. I bought a second-hand typewriter so that I can type a new book of lyrics.

This is how I will celebrate Cinco de Mayo this year:

1) I will join my rowdy Killdeer friends at Shawn Goodall's shop at 3 p.m.
2) Alejandro "The Chilean Horse Whisperer" Chacon will roast a pig.
3) We will feast, drink booze, and watch the pay-per-view Floyd Mayweather/Oscar de la Hoya fight.
4) We will shoot hoops.

¡Viva Mexico!

A couple unsolicited testimonials from my time in Waconia, MN:

"Everyone is still talkin' about your show - even friends that couldn't make it and have heard how much fun we had listening to a world class entertainer . . . I have had 3 inquiries just today about when you will be back this way." Lynda W.

"Those of you who weren't there missed a good one . . . The Sandman (was) an unbelievable mix of talents, part philosopher, part comedian, part poet, part rapper, part musician, all crazier than a ...! Should be famous." Dr. Sam D.

Third man ever to walk on water!

Excalibur did it--from North Dakota to the Mississippi River and back again. Sadly, his electric front passenger-side window took a hit; it rolled down never to rise. Cats in Decorah, Winona, Rochester, Fargo, and points along the way have without doubt explored Excalibur's interior each night.

After Thursday's show in Waconia, I drove my friend Brandon to Minneapolis. I stayed in his apartment, which was filled with noise, kitty urine, and cigarette smoke. I slept three hours, got up, walked along the Mississippi, did a radio interview, and cruised south to Iowa.

The house show in Decorah, Iowa, was filled with friendly, enthusiastic people. It took me some time to focus, because of the jittery state I was in from the drive, but it turned out to be a memorable and fun show. I stayed at the home of my sweet friends' Benji & Aryn.

Saturday I drove north to the Down 'N Dirty Bike Club Basement in Winona, MN. The venue could be described as a purple-carpeted dungeon filled with angelic beer-brewing Huckleberry Finns and Pippy Longstockings. Good times there, as always.

After that, my troubadour pal Mike Byrd and I zoomed east to Rochester, MN, for the evening's second show, at our pal Derrick's house. A brown school bus of inebriated Winopunx (friends all) followed in our wake. This second show was about as unorganized as it gets, but not without its maniacal charms. The Rochester punks will not be forgotten. Alcoholism and raw fury ruled the basement for five hours. As if to drive the point home, somebody stepped on my cherished Casio keyboard and cracked it. Finally, around 3 a.m., I had an opportunity to sing. The crowd had moved outside by then, into Derrick's yard. Mike and I took turns crooning next to a campfire and beneath the stars. By that time I was beyond exhausted, but laying back, gazing at the stars, and listening to Mike's folk songs at 4 a.m. was sublime.

Greetings from Fargo, North Dakota. I'll review my last three shows in due time. Time to sleep......

Last night: Waconia, MN. Fun outside show with campfire and fireworks. Thanks Lynda & Steve!

Tonight: Decorah, IA. Email Benji for directions: benji315@hotmail.com

Tomorrow night (click on image to enlarge):


And also, another show in Rochester, MN, after the Winona show.

I'm on vacation, and the Mississippi River beckons. Tomorrow I head toward Wisconsin for some shows and visits with fellow knights and wizards. Godspeed, Excalibur. Godspeed, you Blue Emperor. Godspeed, O Viking-Horn'd Dragon Slayer! Travel decisively and securely toward your Goat-Heart'd summit. Go forth, Metal Beast, and ride the wind!!

"People Get Ready" as performed by Al Green.

Happy Earth Day. Here's an article on plants, if you're interested.

To spank or not to spank?

What would superhero Kool "Spankmaster" Keith do?

Speaking of superheroes, Spider-Man 3 will feature the villain Sandman. That means a lot of folks will be Googling for information on him and will, instead, stumble into my wicked web.

Here's an email I received today:


"Funny story.. My 6 year old wanted sandman and spider-man pics,we typed in sandman..and the rapping cowboy popped up. Now I"m sending friends to your site..love the sound!

Good Luck....Val from Chicago

P.S. Why no shows out this way??"


Welcome to my sand trap.

As I drove across the Ilo Slough Bridge earlier today, headed towards Killdeer, I glimpsed western paradise. A posse of tumbleweeds broke through a barbed wire fence and spun madly across Highway 200. Some banged against Excalibur before catching flight. In the slough, pelicans navigated the wind-driven water. On the opposite side of the road, bison grazed on greening prairie grass. It's blustery.

Last week I discovered a hilarious five-minute video on YouTube that I'd acted in (poorly) five years ago. My friend MacDawg produced it. I'd completely forgotten about it and had never seen it in completed form. I play the part of a psychopath who goes into Calvin Johnson's office and shoots him in the chest with a b-b gun. I was going to post it last evening. And then I read the tragic news from Virginia. It wasn't as funny after that.

The show on Saturday for the regional meeting of the National Association for Interpretation was rockin'. The NAI is dedicated to "advancing the profession of heritage interpretation," which includes workers at museums, parks, nature centers, zoos, botanical gardens, aquariums, and so on. I fit right in.

I made the front page of the Dunn County Herald today. If anyone wants a copy, send $1.25.

My address:
Chris Sand
PO Box 7
Dunn Center, ND 58626

It's a good, long article written by the editor, Billy Drown. Billy's my new drinking buddy, even though we have yet to make it to the Ilo Bar in Dunn Center, and even though I don't drink more than a beer or two a week. It's the idea that counts.

After tomorrow's show in Dickinson, I'm going to Sadie's for a drink. "Sadie's," by the way, is synonymous with the Ilo Bar, 'cause she's the owner. I don't go there often, and I feel bad about it. The reason I don't go often is that everyone's so damn generous in Dunn Center that I tend to drink more alcohol than I can enjoy.

It was a good morning. I slept through my alarm. Heated up water in my new orange kettle and made tea. Ate cereal. Looked out the window at the sparkling snow and blue sky. Saw a bunny hopper.

At work I finished painting the office, kitchen, and bathroom. Picked up mail at noon and found a couple packages, one from my farmer/burlesque friends who live near Concrete, Washington. They sent seed packets, a couple kitschy hand towels--one with a picture of Johnny Cash flippin' the bird and one of the Virgin of Guadalupe--and a shirt (see mugshot, right). Chickadee wrote, "The farm looks good--spring is finally here! We're eating nettles and fiddlehead ferns nearly every day and will do some tilling soon. . . . Laguna is preparing to build herself a 12'x16' cabin this summer."

And to top things off, Jimmy Rollins hit two homers for my Fantasy Baseball team.

Yo ho ho.
The snow won't go.
We need the moisture, tho'.
Grow, grow, grow.

June berries fat.
Old cowboy hat.
Baseball stat.
Baby punch cat.

Once the blush of the Beloved
Descends on you,
There is no going back
To being a green apple.
(Traditional saying)

To the left is a picture of my new nephew/cousin--baby Jalen! Apparently at three days Jalen was lifting his head and looking about. The doctor calls him a prodigy.

Happy Easter, everyone. It's a cold, sunny day in Dunn County.

I spent eight hours yesterday with the Executive Director of Preservation North Dakota tooling around the County and taking stock of historic buildings. One of them was the Hutmacher Complex.

My Fantasy Baseball team is not off to a good start. My star players, Albert Pujols and Carlos Zambrano, are slumping. Two of my pitchers are on the disabled list.